But it's okay because as an unattractive woman who is unsuccessful in every area of her life, I must confess that living in the land of ugly loserdom does come with a few perks!
Here they are:
Ugly Perk 1: Most women are not intimidated by an ugly peer, so ugly women have lots of friends!
Having friends who aren't intimated by me is great. They know there's no reason to compete with me and therefore, feel comfortable enough to talk to me about things that they may not share with prettier friends. This makes for a great sisterhood of the traveling pants bond, although I'm usually too fat to fit into their pants...but whatever.
Also, when I'm having one of those really rough ugly-girl days, I get to hang out with one of my BFF's, watch The Holiday or Pride and Prejudice, gossip about nonsense, and eat tons of chocolate (and then I really can't fit into anyone's pants- not even my own)!
Perk 2: The Unattractive Female is Not Distracted By Hot Guys Chasing Her Down!
Yeah, so naturally, good looking men are attracted to good looking women. I used to feel pained when some hot guy would be like, "Hey Paula!" and I'd turn around, he'd walk up to me, look deep into my eyes and say, "So, where's your friend Llama?" (Noooo...I don't actually have a friend named Llama, I just figured it was a safe enough fake name to use)
To be honest sometimes it does still bother me when stuff like that happens, but I've also learned that being in a relationship is a lot of drama and instead of relationship drama, I get to fake-live all of my drama in the stories I write.
That sounds sad and pathetic, but it doesn't bother me, I like focusing on my work instead of on some real-life Jude Law look alike (yeah, I'm still thinking about The Holiday) whose got tons of baggage that he wants to dump on me.
Perk 3: The Life of An Ugly Makes For Great Material As A Stand Up Comedian!
There have been tons of times (and maybe you, a normal-looking person, have also experienced this) when I've been in a really bad situation and I'm crying like a little girl (I know- sooo embarrassing) and then I stop crying and start laughing because it's so stupid it's funny.
In any case, there's a silver lining in everything.
Even in having the face of a beat-up calculator that's lying in the middle of the street and has, clearly, been run over by a mac truck...even when, a monkey runs into the scene, screeching as he picks up the calculator, shimmies up a tree with it, and then throws the calculator into a lake.
Even having that kind of a face comes with a silver lining.